one last dance

The dance was just a part of me I shouldn't show anybody, you know, all my moviments seems to belong only to me and I would never be able to show you my own soul. All this years I danced like another person, with the habits and the moviments of another person, I wasn't me, I wasn't free to move my body like I wanted to. I grew up with this beautiful songs and kind of my childhood and something inside of who I am now are all about dance.

But the dance I have inside me, all these moviments I hide you all, that's the most beautiful dance I could ever show, that's the truth about me. All these people just can't find out what's dance, you can't dance just learning the coreography, you have to put yourself into the moviment, I think there are things more important than ego or money or just being at a stage without dance what you want, without putting every single part of you in your moviments, only because you're there, waiting for the people to approve your dance, to approve you. Because you don't really know you are the only person who can approve your dance.

That's why I gave up dancing. I gave up dancing because I was weak and fragile and I couldn't hold this thing about approve myself and dance without fear of rejection. Because, yes, I know a lot the taste of rejection. And that's not good, I swear you I would prefer never knew it in my hole life. I would prefer never know the feeling when you think people are just better than you and nothing you could do would change this. People dance better, look better, have the public approvation and people are strong. People don't give up dancing, people hold on while the world is falling into pieces, people don't cry, people are not ashamed, people don't have any fear!

But I am not these people. And my worst mistake was trying to be these people. That's how I killed my dance skill. That's how I killed my dance dream. That's the real motivation for me to give up dancing. I cannot be like these people. I am just like me, and I was trying to put myself into these musics, these coreographys, these moviments, and I couldn't. I couldn't because people didn't let me. This cannot ever be called art. Because art is kind of creation, and love, and expression, and if I cannot express my feelings dancing, if I cannot express anything, if the only thing I can do is watching the right people and copy them, then I give up dancing for the rest of my life. I simply don't want to learn how to copy.

Dancing should be just like a challenge to me, if I was strong enough to keep dreaming, but I'm not. I'm still walking side by side with the reason, without emotion, I gave up expressing myself, I gave up this hole thing about feelings, becase I'm weak. Fragile. And I need these people help. I need them to be away from me. And I need them to stop me everytime I try to dance like them, or every time I look in a mirror while dancing, or everytime I get up on a stage.

I can only dance to myself, I can only dance to express, locked in a room without any public, or coreographer, I don't need rules for expression, please, understand. But my kind of dance is not what you see outside.
My dance isn't about have the perfect body. My dance is about have the perfect equilibrium between mind and body, between feelings and reason and all this thing. Or not. My dance could be only the expression, the time would never walk my dance away, I'll be able to dance when I'm 60, I'll never stop. Not because I don't want. But because I can't. My feet had danced for a too long time, they simply don't know how to stop now.